This is the first of hopefully many posts on this blog. I will improve the presentation of the site, including a permanent link to a short introduction, but I think I'll just type the bio here for now, because I don't feel like futzing around with Blogger.
As the title indicates, I'm a lonely guy. Yes, thank you for that collective "Awww". But this blog is not about looking for sympathy or just a place for me to feel sorry for myself. This is going to be a record of my journey from loneliness and isolation towards gaining a true and supportive social support network of friends, family, and others. Those of you who are not lonely may be reading this and thinking, "What the hell is he talking about?! What is so hard about finding friends?" Well, for some of us, this is actually very difficult. Just like many struggle with math or science, others struggle with various social skills. This can occur because you were born that way (think Asperger's), or because the environment of your upbringing fostered this kind of personality -- or both, which is my case. More on my history another time.
So what brought me to create this blog? A woman -- actually, the loss of this woman to someone else. (OK, enough "Awww's" -- I'm not that pathetic.) Let me go back a bit first, though. I am a divorced father of two special-needs kids, aged 11 and 7, that have Asperger's Syndrome and/or ADHD. Those of you who are parents know how challenging it is to keep up with the demands of your kids' schedules. Single parents know that this is twice the challenge. And single parents of special-needs kids know that this can become an impossible challenge, both financially and regarding time.
One of the casualties of having special-needs kids like mine is that it's very difficult to maintain a social life, especially one outside of your kids. If you are socially challenged to some degree, as I am, then this becomes even more problematic. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not "anti-social" at all -- I have some social anxiety, though, which makes things tough. You simply fight through it as best you can, and, in the end, you can be successful, but it does create more of a challenge.
Anyway, you're probably waiting to hear about the woman. We met at the party of a mutual friend -- it was by accident, because we were passing each other in a hallway and, somehow started talking. Turns-out that she also had some special-needs kids. She was also very attractive and intelligent. It wasn't long before we were inseparable.
It was a short but very intense relationship. Things started-out wonderfully, but, because of difficulties in our family schedules and other issues, she slowly pulled-back, and then, almost suddenly, a few months later, she was dating someone else. Yes, of course, old story, everyone's been through it, sucks for me, move on and find someone else. No argument with this. However, here's the nexus of the problem. She had become my best friend and my primary -- and almost only -- social outlet. Because of time constraints, I didn't really have time -- or think I had time -- to manage too many social activities, so the woman became my social world. And then, abruptly, she was gone. No more daily phone calls, emails, text messages, etc. What communication we have had since then has been largely superficial and brief, not like the much deeper conversations we'd had in the past.
In short, I was left up the creek without a paddle. I had no social outlet to take her place, at least in part. I had no close friends, not even many acquaintances. And, worst of all, no one to support me going through this (I'm still going through this -- it all only went down in the last two weeks). So, not only have I been really sad about the breakup itself, and the loss of someone I thought had long-term potential, I've been dealing with this grief in almost total isolation, and have had to hide it from my kids. Pretty much the definition of your own personal hell.
So how did I get here? How did I end-up in this social black hole? As I mentioned, time constraints played a factor. But, more importantly, I never made having a social support network a priority. I've always concentrated on fighting fires regarding my kids needs, and other "important" things that have occurred, and have neglected my own personal needs, including building and maintaining my own community of support. So, here I sit, depressed, isolated, and burdened. The breakup was sad, but the rest are problems I inadvertently created myself.
Obviously, this situation can't continue. "No man is an island" becomes plainly clear here -- you can't fight every struggle, and multiple simultaneous struggles, always by yourself. You have to have others to support you during such times, and have others to support in their times of need. This give and take between people is probably one of the most primitive and universal behaviors we have as humans. And dumb-asses like me have ignored it.
So, this blog will be a record of my attempts to pull myself out of my social black-hole, get a real life and supportive community, and, perhaps, find someone special with more staying power. I would also love to hear comments from others about these things -- your own similar experiences, thoughts, and feelings. I'd also love to get different perspectives on what I write -- I may be making mountains out of mole-hills at times, where a fresh perspective would be very helpful. I hope it catches on -- perhaps my first social task is to figure-out how to get readers!
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